Today remind yourself: I speak the truth.” —
Today remind yourself: Untangle.” —
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
1. I miss being the girl that kept you on the phone till unreasonable hours. I miss talking to you about wildly inappropriate things. I miss knowing more about you than I really wanted to and certainly more than anyone else did
2. Would you recognize me if I walked into your store? Even people I see every day say that they have to do a double-take to make sure it’s me. You could tell who I was from across the parking lot, looking at my back. Could you still?
3. There isn’t anyone else that I can talk to the way I could talk to you.
4. I don’t know what I am doing now that you’re not a part of my life.” —
# Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile. # Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. # Sleep for 7 hours # Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy. # Play more games. # Read more books than you did the previous year. # Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives. # Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6. # Dream more while you are awake. # Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants. # Drink plenty of water. # Try to make at least three people smile each day. # Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip. # Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness. # Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment. # Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime. # Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar. # Smile and laugh more. # Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others. # Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does. # You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. # Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present. # Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don’t compare your partner with others. # No one is in charge of your happiness except you. # Forgive everyone for everything. # What other people think of you is none of your business. # However good or bad a situation is, it will change. # Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch. # Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful. (I’m trying really hard to do this.) # Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. # The best is yet to come. # No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. # Do the right thing! # Call your family often. # Your inner most is always happy. So be happy. # Each day give something good to others. # Don’t over do. Keep your limits.”